Nebby Bag Slam Dunk SNES Classic
Nintendo slam dunking us into their bag

If we are Nebby, then Nintendo is Lillie, and damned if we’re going to get out of the bag any time soon.

With the predictable announcement of the SNES Classic this week, Nintendo fans went nuts. So many amazing titles from the golden age of gaming (although with many glaring omissions *cough* *cough* Chrono Trigger Donkey Kong Country 2 *cough*) on one cheap device, with two controllers included, and the legendary never released Star Fox 2. But then, the NES Classic PTSD hits you…

Online orders gone within seconds, people lining up for hours only to find they couldn’t get one, scalpers selling them at a huge margin for the Christmas season – in the end, I couldn’t even get one.

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.” – Blade Runner

Yet, despite all this, and the fact that Nintendo has consistently let us down in the past, people are dead set on grabbing a SNES Classic for the holiday season. Including myself, and I’ve played a large majority of the games on it already. Like Nebby from Pokémon Sun and Moon, we just want to have some freedom from the bag Lillie keeps shoving us in, from Nintendo repeatedly making the same mistakes: Lack of third party support, limited supplies of pretty much every product and overpriced accessories being just a few. Just when we think that we’re out, Nintendo announces something rad and shoves us right back in. Oh Nintendo… why can’t we quit you?

Star Fox 2 SNES Classic
But… it has Star Fox 2, though…

A perfect example – I knew that when Nintendo Switch launched there wouldn’t be too many reasons to buy it right away, except the one main reason, Breath of the Wild. I was one of those non-Wii U having folks. So I thought: “I can wait, it’s no big deal.” So I did. I resisted pre-ordering it. Then it launched. Then I waited a few weeks. Then there were so many amazing reviews for BotW, and I became paranoid about seeing Zelda spoilers. Then before I knew it, I woke up after having blacked out, and there was a confirmation email from Best Buy that I had managed to order a Nintendo Switch. So long, my darling money.

Nintendo is basically holding our childhoods hostage. They have made mistakes, boy howdy have they made mistakes, and yet they still manage to produce gems that build upon the franchises we know and love and make us want to come back for more torture. I am just as stoked about Mario Odyssey as everybody else. As for the SNES Classic, we’ll line up in the rain and the snow, and continually hit refresh on our browsers to maybe score an online order. Heck, we may even buy one from a scalper, and be grateful for it. Nintendo really are the company we love to hate and hate to love.

So yes, we all resent being shoved into that bag, and yes every once in a while we’ll manage to escape and enjoy the fresh air, but at the end of the day… the bag is pretty cozy. Well-padded, dark, perfect to take a blissful nap and just forget about our troubles. Well played, Nintendo. Well played.

Nerd Speaker is currently being held hostage by Nintendo, please send help. Special thanks to LightningEllen for giving me a chance to rant about Nintendo and think of this joke. If you enjoyed this tirade. please consider following Nerd Speaker on Facebook and Twitter. Now without further ado, enjoy more Nebby bag memes!